It’s been a year since last I posted. Well, almost a year. I caught it by one day short. I have many thoughts and more questions, so this is where I have come to piece them together.

When I hear messages like the one Mike preached this morning, I am left with a certain grappling in my soul that I can’t seem to escape. If you didn’t hear his message, he spoke about the Judgement Seat of Christ and living in light of what will matter on that day. I hear Mike’s point and my heart burns inside. Suddenly everything comes into perspective and I realize how trite are the things for which I exert most of my energy and effort.

But how do I actually live out what my burning heart desires? How do I lift my eyes from the things that are trite to the things that are eternal? For a moment, while Mike is preaching, I feel like it is all so clear. But then it’s time for lunch, and then more events on my schedule, then the week plays out and next thing I know, I am completely absorbed again in frivolity and I’ve lost sight of the one thing that’s needed. 

How do I keep my heart set on the one thing that I really desire?  I know that just desiring to love Jesus wholeheartedly doesn’t necessarily translate to living that way (although I know He is pleased at the intentions of my heart). I also know that getting discouraged about my weak efforts to love Him really doesn’t get me anywhere but back a few steps.

I’m convinced that the missing link between wanting to love Jesus wholeheartedly and actually loving Him is the “living in the spirit” that Paul and James talk about. I know that if I were listening to the Holy Spirit all the time and living in communion with Him, I would grow in so much love for Jesus and my works would show it. I know my life would have good fruit and my heart would greatly expand in love toward Jesus.

But what is this “living in the spirit” business? What does it look like and how is it done? That’s the current wrestle in my heart. I desire more than anything to cast off the trite pleasures and charms of this world and turn the full attention and desire and love of my heart to the only One worth it all. He is so precious and so beautiful! Jesus, you are so beautiful. Holy Spirit, help me to love Him more.