It’s been a year since last I posted. Well, almost a year. I caught it by one day short. I have many thoughts and more questions, so this is where I have come to piece them together.

When I hear messages like the one Mike preached this morning, I am left with a certain grappling in my soul that I can’t seem to escape. If you didn’t hear his message, he spoke about the Judgement Seat of Christ and living in light of what will matter on that day. I hear Mike’s point and my heart burns inside. Suddenly everything comes into perspective and I realize how trite are the things for which I exert most of my energy and effort.

But how do I actually live out what my burning heart desires? How do I lift my eyes from the things that are trite to the things that are eternal? For a moment, while Mike is preaching, I feel like it is all so clear. But then it’s time for lunch, and then more events on my schedule, then the week plays out and next thing I know, I am completely absorbed again in frivolity and I’ve lost sight of the one thing that’s needed. 

How do I keep my heart set on the one thing that I really desire?  I know that just desiring to love Jesus wholeheartedly doesn’t necessarily translate to living that way (although I know He is pleased at the intentions of my heart). I also know that getting discouraged about my weak efforts to love Him really doesn’t get me anywhere but back a few steps.

I’m convinced that the missing link between wanting to love Jesus wholeheartedly and actually loving Him is the “living in the spirit” that Paul and James talk about. I know that if I were listening to the Holy Spirit all the time and living in communion with Him, I would grow in so much love for Jesus and my works would show it. I know my life would have good fruit and my heart would greatly expand in love toward Jesus.

But what is this “living in the spirit” business? What does it look like and how is it done? That’s the current wrestle in my heart. I desire more than anything to cast off the trite pleasures and charms of this world and turn the full attention and desire and love of my heart to the only One worth it all. He is so precious and so beautiful! Jesus, you are so beautiful. Holy Spirit, help me to love Him more.

As some of you may have heard already, there has been an outpouring of sorts at IHOP this week where the Holy Spirit is healing, delivering, and renewing people here—anyone and everyone.

I have been in and out of the meetings (depending on my work schedule), and I am loving it. It’s amazing to see people healed in their bodies and able to do things that they couldn’t do for years. Deaf ears are opened, dim and blind eyes are restored to perfect eyesight, crooked spines are straightened, injuries are healed. One of my housemates was healed: her spine was straightened and one leg that was shorter (because of the crooked spine) grew to the right length. I love when the Lord does those things!

But what touches my heart even more than the physical healings that I see, is watching the Lord deliver sons and daughters of addictions and fears and disorders. I talked to one guy who came into the meeting addicted to drugs and left the next day completely free! He went home and burned all kinds of paintings he had done on drugs, and got rid of all kinds of music that wasn’t sanctified and the Lord has changed so much in his heart! You could see it on his face!

Some of the most amazing testimonies I have heard though, are of girls who got delivered of self hatred and the corresponding eating disorders. The Lord did in a moment of time what could have and would have taken years of counseling and therapy to accomplish! The Lord began to reveal Himself to different girls who were swallowed in self hatred as the One who formed them and loved them from the beginning and washed away years of lies and pain—and then He healed their bodies! Because of the eating disorders that some of these girls had dealt with, many of their digestive systems were very damaged—one girl said she would throw up nearly ever time she ate and couldn’t hold much in—and the Lord healed them!

When I listed to these stories, my heart is so moved and I am so thankful to Jesus for coming and healing and saving and delivering.  Jesus, thank you for your kindness! I am so moved by the compassion of your heart!

I am just trying this thing out to get used to how it works. Once I get rolling, I’ll start posting snippets of my life so as to keep everyone updated on what’s going on in my life. Glad to see you here! Check back again for my next post (the real one).